Our Fight with Purposelessness

Missions is hard. 

For four months, I’ve lived out of a backpack. I’ve worn the same six shirts, five pants, and sneakers every day. I’ve worked on farms, hiked mountains, lost weight, fallen down mountainsides, cried myself to sleep, had a parasite, wanted to give up, thought about going home. I’ve spent two days on a bus, slept in hot rooms, fought with my team, struggled to say goodbye, yelled at the Lord, grumbled and complained. 

It’s been 120 days, 18 weeks since I left Georgia…

And still, I struggle with Purposelessness. 

Of all the hard things we’ve done, the hardest has been feeling purposeless, the lie that the enemy has whispered to us everyday. He tells us that we are wasting our time, that the work we are doing is falling on deaf ears. He says it doesn’t matter how many times we say the name of Jesus; these people are his. He demands proof, physical proof, that the Lord is moving, and laughs at our seemingly empty hands. The enemy almost had us.

But, my God has something better to say. In a moment where our squad was worshiping together, He reminded me that the enemy is a liar: 

WE. ARE. NOT. PURPOSELESS.

Though it’s our 4th month on the Race, I haven’t seen a healing. I haven’t seen deliverance. I haven’t had visions or dreams. I haven’t done grand things that every missionary should do while in missions. But what I have seen is joy, shining on the faces of women with troubled pasts. I have seen peace ladened on the shoulders of young missionaries walking into foreign cities. I have seen love flash across the eyes of children who for the first time have been seen themselves. Most importantly, I have seen hope offered in a simple hello, spoken despite the fears racing in my heart, and I am reminded yet again why He has held my hand and led me here. And, again, I am overwhelmed by His love and His grace for His beloved creation. 

So, yeah, missions is hard, but in all the hard things we’ve done, in all the things I have not seen, I remember that the Lord is still working. He still has a purpose for us, and simply walking in that purpose is enough for me.