Thank You, Lord, for the Pain

“It’s better to have loved than not to have the opportunity at all.” 

My squad has left the mountain in Honduras, and though we did have a couple hard times, I left with a heavy heart. Over the last couple of weeks, I was dragged across the yard by a group of kids during tug-a-war, found a gaping hole in the tents (a masterpiece of some local dogs), and even fell down the side of a mountain. In case you were wondering, yes, my friend got a video (I attached the post below). 

Despite all the crazy things that happened, I would never change my experience in Honduras. Though I was only in Honduras for a total of 28 days, I was able to create friendships that will last a lifetime. And, I believe completely that the Lord will bring me back to Comayagua one day. 

With that being said, leaving Honduras was not easy in the slightest; in fact, I struggled a whole week, begging the Lord to let me stay. Let me give you a little context…

After being told that I didn’t have compassion for people (thanks to the Lord for calling me out on that), I was ushered into a season of intercessory. Intercessory can mean a lot of things to a lot of people; and over the last month, the Lord has continued to shine His light on the meaning and importance of intercessory. 

From what I have learned, intercessory prayer is the act of praying on someone’s behalf, stepping into their lives spiritually through prayer. I like to think of it as a defense mechanism: a spotlight we shine on the enemy to let him know that though his victim might not see him, we indeed do and are doing everything in our power to defend our brothers or sisters in Christ. 

Once the Lord gave me compassion, I was overwhelmed with emotion, to which the Lord told me to confide in a friend. So, I told her my story, and she told me that the Lord was calling me into intercession for the boy that broke my heart. Standing on the other side of the mountain, I definitely agree. Not only was He calling me to pray for this kid, He asked me to physically and emotionally invest into my relationship with him. The first week, I fasted lunch for 5 days. Every day after that, I found myself in beautiful friendships with him, his family, and the rest of the locals. 

It was beautiful to see the Lord moving in such a grand way. I mean, my prayers were being answered left and right; there was no doubt that God was working through my role as an intercessor. But, like all good things, my time on the mountain soon came to an end. 

The last week in Honduras felt suffocating if I can be honest. I didn’t want to leave. Within a month, I found myself extremely attached to these people, considering them part of my own family. So, in the midst of my emotions, I asked the Lord if I could stay. Of course, He told me no. 

From that moment on, I was angry with Him. My feelings were hurt that He would call me into such a beautiful friendship only to force me to leave it. Needless to say, I threw a fit, asking the Lord how He could be so cruel as to do this to me, wondering if He actually knew how fragile my heart was.

You’re probably thinking I’m crazy, that I couldn’t have possibly gotten that attached to people. Well, I guess that might be how it seems to you, but another thing I’ve gotten to learn on this Race is that our reactions to something often stem from years of similar experiences. So, as I was throwing my fit, the Lord reminded me of a prayer I prayed as a sophomore in college. 

I asked the Lord to guard my heart, and in the process of allowing Him to do so, I set up my own barriers as a form of self-preservation. For several years, I made friends but never allowed them to get too deep into my heart; I kept them at an arm’s length just in case they decided to up and leave. That was until I met my amazing Catracho friends. For the first time in years, I had allowed people into my heart. The irony: I was the one leaving. 

Again, I brought my emotions to the Lord and asked Him why He would open my heart to something if He knew it was going to hurt. He explained to me that it was time for my heart to be opened again. For the life He was calling me to live, my heart being closed was not an option. Then, as graciously as He could, He told me, “It’s better to have loved than not to have the opportunity at all.” 

Ultimately, He’s right. As short as life is, I shouldn’t be mad that the Lord didn’t give me enough time but rather that He gave me the time in the first place. With that being said, I give thanks to the Lord for the beautiful time I made on that mountain. I thank God for the hard times because I’ve learned that the hard times only bring me closer to Him. But, most importantly, I thank God for the pain because through this pain, I know that I am growing closer to the person God wants me to be. 

P.S. Wanna see me falling down a mountain? Check out the post here!