I Was A Modern Day Jonah

When I was younger, a little girl barely going into the seventh grade, God broke into my world for the first time. I was sitting on the old wooden pews of my grandmother’s church, my knobby knees hanging over the edge, too short to touch the ground. I had prayed for guidance. Going into the seventh grade seemed like a big deal to me, and now looking back, I recognize the fear that had control of my life. Just after I finished praying, an elder in the church approached and gave me the words that have echoed in my heart for the last ten years: 

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

 I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” 

-Psalm 32: 8 (NIV)

Since then, I have been in a constant battle against the world. Like most people, I struggled to find my faith in the midst of boys, friends, a secular lifestyle. Every step I took forward in God’s direction felt overpowered by the two, sometimes three, steps I took back into the world. I knew God; I had grown up in the church, but having a family who also believes doesn’t guarantee your faith. From that moment on my grandmother’s pew, I was challenged to fight for and define my own faith, to start a relationship with God that would show me how good He truly is. I’m going to be honest, it hasn’t been easy. The world can sometimes be a very convincing ghost, but I know now that the God that I serve is bigger than anything I will face. He told me in the summer before seventh grade that He would guide me, and He has stayed true to His word since.

When Covid 19 hit in March of 2020, I found myself at the very center of it in Washington, D.C. But, what had started as a spring break trip to see my parents ended as a pivotal moment in my life. Being a junior in college at the time, I was buried yet again under an unhealthy– worldly– lifestyle. The enemy had me in his hand, a puppet he could control with fear as my strings. I had hit rock bottom, engaging in inappropriate activities and treating others harshly. I know many consider Covid an inconvenience, but for me, it was a wake up call. The moment quarantine started, my parents did not hesitate to warn me of the path I had taken. Of course, like any rebellious child does when their parents call them out, I argued back, but deep down I knew they were right. After the argument ended, I went to my room and sat with myself. It was at that moment that I heard God’s voice for the first time in a long time. He was calling out to me, asking me to turn away from the life that I knew was wrong and to come home to Him. So, for a couple days, I answered His call, blowing the dust from my Bible once again. I prayed to have a hunger for Him, one so strong that it deafened my ears to the call of the world, but when I didn’t get it right away, I fell away again. 

I didn’t know at the time, but my experience at my parent’s house was only the foundation for the life that He was building in me. When I finally returned to Texas, I was caught between two worlds– my previous life and the one God was calling me to. Though I hadn’t been reading my Bible or praying as often, I still heard the Holy Spirit’s voice in my ear, whispering to me, reminding me that God was near. Deciding to step away from my sin, I aligned myself with different friends. This only lasted about a week before the second pivotal moment in my life. 

Within a week of being back with my friends, I was grabbed inappropriately by a really close friend. He was one of the first people I met in college, and he helped me through many hard times in life. Our friendship got to the point that I believed he knew me better than I knew myself. So, after he grabbed me, I was devastated; I felt betrayed and lost. For a couple days, I struggled in silence with overwhelming hopelessness, social anxiety, and depression. Being a big people person, I felt like I was alone and there was no one that I could go to for help. Then, God saved me again. He grabbed my attention through a TikTok (God works in mysterious ways, right?) and told me that the only way I was going to get out of this pit of loneliness was if I prayed my way through and depended only on Him. For a week, I didn’t have any contact with the outside world. I spent all my time praying, reading my Bible, and talking to God in hopes of getting back to His life for me. He even called me to fast lunch, which I had never fasted something so essential in my life. In that week, He brought me back, pulled me from my hopelessness, and pieced me back together. 

But, His plan for me still wasn’t done. Over the last ten years, He has whispered to me about a life in missions, but I was always too afraid to listen. I remember praying at youth group that God wouldn’t make me a missionary. It had been Mission Week at my church, and I had heard so many stories about God saving the broken and healing the hurting. Still fear echoed in my mind and the only thing I could think of was the chance that I could die. A couple years later, when I was a sophomore in college, a friend asked what my plans for the future were. A voice, so quiet, whispered, “Missions.” Convinced I had imagined it, I told him that I didn’t know, that God hadn’t given me a plan yet. Then, he looked me square in the eye and said, “You know, and you thought of it just now but you’re too afraid to admit it.” A life in missions made me uncomfortable, so I ran from it for as long as I could. 

In the week that I spent with him, fasting and praying, I asked Him to reveal to me His plan for my life and every moment that I had been running from for the last ten years came back to me. My prayer in youth group, the conversation with a friend, and even my “newfound” desire to travel. That’s when I knew I had to go. After praying for more guidance, He gave me the word “Ecuador” and that was it. It took months for me to admit that I wanted to be a missionary, but when I finally did, both my mother and my sister pointed me toward the World Race. I have learned that when things happen twice in the Bible, it’s God’s way of emphasizing it, so I applied, thinking that if God wanted me to go, I would get in. This desire to follow God’s plan for my life, no matter where it takes me, isn’t new. It’s always been in my heart, and it was about time that I listened. And here I am…

If you would have told me a year ago that I would be preparing to go on a mission trip that would take me around the world for eleven months, I probably would have laughed at you, maybe even cried. But, that’s the great thing about God, right? He takes you places that you never would have imagined. 

Thank you to everyone who has helped me get to this point (whether it be through prayer or those life-changing conversations that God forced us to have), and I ask that you continue to pray for and support me on this new chapter of my life. Love y’all and stay tuned because God’s gonna do some amazing things!